As Elusive as the Holy Grail

For those of you who love the queso dip served in cheap Mexican restaurants as much as I do, you know that finding a suitable substitute once you walk out that restaurant door is virtually impossible. Sure, Frito Lay has made a bit more of an effort, moving on from their Yellow Dye No.6 dip to the new dip which bares a srtiking resemblance in color to the real thing, but that is where the similarities end. The flavor is BLAH and too spicy, and the consistency is much too thick to run off your chip onto the table on the way to your mouth. I wasted my money once on that junk. It will not happen again.
You think that you may find some acceptable dip by making a special visit to the authentic Latino aisle. There are jars and containers that look like they are surely the things LaHa buys in bulk. Again, you're heart is crushed as these dips rival only some concoction with Velveeta as the main ingredient.
Finally, you abandon all hope of being able to recreate this viscous bit of heaven with only your microwave, and you bring out the big guns - the pot and maybe even the double broiler or the crock pot. It's time to buy the block of queso blanco. This must be how they do it. All you have to do is melt it down, fix yourself a megarita, and you'll be enjoying the good life in no time. Oh, you silly, silly woman. This block of queso blanco is unmeltable! It's like trying to liquify an eraser. It may sweat a little, giving you the impression that something is happening, but that is it. It goes no further. Your disappointment is mighty.
But I have good news. Bryant has found the layman's equivalent of the as-close-as-you-can-get-to-LaHa dip.

Gordo's. I swear, you can almost feel your shirt sticking to the back of your seat. You won't need a thousand tiny napkins to make you think you're in the restaurant anymore. This stuff is good. It's not perfect, but let's be real, could anyone recreate DaVinci's Mona Lisa or Michaelangelo's David. What LaHa does is perfection, people. In the real world, you have to take what you can get, and if this is what you can get, then you can be happy.